Post by Fernpaw on Aug 13, 2009 15:35:34 GMT -5
"What are you doing here?! Get out or I'll claw your fur off!" A russet colored she-cat bares her teeth at you and makes a swipe at your face with claws unsheathed.
Pay no attention to her, thank you for coming. I'm sure you've come to see what lays behind the this power hungry warrior. Russetfur is far more complicated than you know of. You know, she used to be a completely different cat than she is now. This thread is about what her bio did not cover and a deeper explanation for why this cat is who she is today.
The Beginning: Kithood
I didn't have the the easiest kithood, or the best, but that is what helped me to be tough and strong and so independent of others.
I was the boss of my litter mates, when mom was not around, but I had to be. Blackkit needed someone to look after him, he was so weak, but Ratkit and Toadkit were something else. Our father, Hawkpelt always loved his "strong little warriors," meaning not me. I always tried my best for him, but he always liked my brothers better, even sick little Blackkit. Toadkit would always rub it in my face whenever he got the chance that Hawkpelt loved him and not me. His taunting and Hawkpelt's apparent lack of interest filled my heart with hate. I hated that cat till the day he died before my feet.
Hawkpelt was always pushing us, but he pushed me the hardest. He would sniff at my battle moves or my hunting skills saying that I should watch Toadkit or Ratkit, or him and he would demonstrate for us so that we could learn from the best. I never saw love or pride for me in his cold, uncaring eyes. When I would meet his eyes expecting pride or love, but I would only see disappointment. Hawkpelt was so upset when Blackkit died of green cough. All of us had been sick with it, but poor Blackkit was not strong enough to beat it. That's when I learned that only the strongest survive.
Ratkit was different after Blackkit died. He was more aggressive than ever because he did not have to be careful anymore. Ratkit would tease me about looking after Blackkit and defending him. I learned from Ratkit not to defend the weak and that they should be left to their own devices. Later I would learn that sometimes helping the weak will beneficial to one's desires.
Aside from the torment about Blackkit, Ratkit knew my weak spots and how to hit them hard. As a she-cat I used to have a soft spot for the defenseless and weak. I also cared about others outside of my family. Ratkit would tear at my passions like fresh kill, hardening my heart and filling with malice. Ratkit would also try and prove me to be the weaker cat at every turn. This was sibling rivalry to the extreme. My tongue got sharper as I grew to try and combat some of the things he would say. I was almost proud of myself when I proved for the last and final time who was the stronger cat with him.
Owlclaw was my one reprieve from my brothers and my father. She liked us for who we were and not if we were the biggest or the fastest cat in the forest. Owlclaw liked us just as Toadkit, Ratkit, Russetkit, and Blackkit. I loved her. She was the cat that thought me how to be gentle and to care for the sick or weak. Most importantly she taught me how to love. She was proud of me and gave me gentle nudges in the right direction when I needed them. I could always count on her love and support no matter what. My mother was a cat I could trust and confide in. Owlclaw was that cat that was closest to my heart, the one cat that inspired me. Owlclaw told me that I was a cat destined for greatness, she's the first cat that put the want to lead my Clan in my heart.
Dark Times: Apprenticeship
A moon or two after Blackkit died we were apprenticed. Iceheart was my mentor, and she was aptly named. Hawkpelt seemed proud and Owlclaw looked like she was ready to burst with pride.
Iceheart was a cold cat and very unforgiving, but a great teacher. She's the cat responsible for my great battle skills. We practiced hard from sunup to sundown. We would practice a move repeatedly until I got it correct. If I failed to do something correctly or disobeyed her I was on Elder and bedding duty for a moon per offense. StarClan help me if I complained or whined about it. Sometimes Iceheart would make me train with Ratpaw to really drive home a skill or to ensure that I had learned the lesson that bonds don't matter in war. I never had a strong bond with Ratpaw, but it did teach me that blood means nothing unless it is thick on the forest floor.
I met Talonpaw one afternoon on one of my first hunting assessments. I had seen Talonpaw around, but I was usually to tired or busy to talk to him. He had left the nursery before I was more than 3 moons old so I never knew him as a kit. Talonpaw was cute though, and so nice! I never thought a tom could be so gentle. Anyway, during my first assement I accidentally bumped into him while I was stalking a frog (his frog by the way). I apologized awkwardly for ruining his catch and began to back off and go the other way when he told me it was fine. After that we got to talking and became good friends. We finished our assessment together and passed with flying colors.
Life was good for me, I had another cat in my life that allowed me show my good side to the Clan, rather than my darker side which my brothers and father saw constantly. I also had another cat that could ease the pains of my brothers and father. I should have known that it was never meant to be.
On the blackest night any cat could ever remember was when my peace was shattered. ThunderClan attacked without warning and without reason (or so I thought any way, apparently Froststar and the ThunderClan leader had been quarreling). The battle was long and hard and carried well into the morning. It was during the battle when I seized the moment to kill Hawkpelt.
I was tired of him blackening my heart with each passing moon and having Talonpaw try and erase the damage. There was complete chaos all around me as I leaped on his back and brought the surprised warrior to the ground. Unprepared, Hawkpelt had no time to recover as I whipped around locked my jaws in his throat. I watched as his life blood spilled onto the grass. He staggered to his feet and walked away onto the Thunderpath where a monster finished what I had started. He didn't know that he had walked unto the Thunderpath, he was too delusional from loss of blood to know. The only thing the Clan ever saw was poor brave Hawkpelt getting hit by a monster.
I'm sure Owlclaw had been distracted by his death and a stupid ThunderClan warrior seized the opportunity to strike and killed my mother. I never knew she had died until after the battle when ThunderClan had been chased off and we were licking our wounds. I was so distraught about her death I turned into myself and went through the motions of life like a zombie. Even Talonpaw had a hard time breaking through, but he did and the ice melted. I could see the sun once more, but a dark cloud soon covered it.
We were nearing the end of our training when I did it. Ratpaw was teasing me again about being weak and stroke my raw nerves with a deadly blow. Ratpaw told me how I was a loser like mother, soft, and overly sensitive to things. That did it. I sprang on him with my claws unsheathed and raked them down his side. Ratpaw and tussled for what seemed to be moons before I got the opportunity. As he lay there, dieing at my feet I asked him "who was the weak cat now?" His eyes widened a little, but then they glazed over with the starry sheen of death. I dragged his body where no cat would ever find it and wiped the blood off of my paws.
The Clan looked for him, but we never found him. I never knew what happened to Toadpaw, but killing Ratpaw was a mistake. Instead of clearing the shadows, it made them worse. I was a killer and I knew it. I tried to run from it, but it caught up to me and hurt the cat I loved most. Talonpaw knew that I had killed Ratpaw and he just wanted to know why, why had I killed my own brother? The blackness overcame me and I killed Talonpaw fearing that he would tell the Clan. I should have known better. Talonpaw would have understood if I had only told him.
The night of my warrior ceremony we mourned for Talonpaw and tried to be happy for me. Now I still have nightmares and see his blood on my paws that I can never escape. I am lost to the darkness forever, trying to run from my past and live in the present. Sometimes it works, others not so much.
The Now: Warrior
I should have been Russetstar! I'll just wait and bide my time, one day soon I'll get to be a leader. I would have been the best, and I still will be... Miragesoul had better watch her back soon, because I'm coming..... and then Smallstar! After that, the forest! *evil laugh* StarClan has betrayed me! They have rightfully denied me my power! I should be Russetstar! Well StarClan has made a more choice and the Clan shall suffer for it, I'm sure. *malicious gleam* Well Smallstar is a good choice, she is smart and will also strengthen this Clan, but Miragesoul I just don't know her... I quickly push the thought aside, that is no longer the cat I am, I can never return to light, there is "'*no way out of this dark place, no hope, no future.'"
No, I'll wait this time. I will note kill Miragesoul, I don't need another cat's innocent blood on my paws... no what am I saying, the sooner I take power the better, but not too soon so that I do not arouse suspicion. No, I'll wait, but I'll kill her myself (I should just be more paitent)...
*Song Lyrics copyrighted to Phil Collins from the song "No Way Out"
Mentor:
I remeber the surprise I felt when Smallstar named Leopardpaw to be my apprentice, and how happy I was:
"Leopardkit, from now on you will be known as Leopardpaw. Russetfur, you are ready for an apprentice, you will be Leopradpaw's mentor. Russetfur, you have the skills of great strength and intelligence and I expect you to pass on all your skills to Leopardpaw, so that he may be a loyal warrior to ShadowClan."
Leopardpaw is a strong and mature young tom, he will make an excellent warrior some day, but by the tme I'm finished with him he will strong, swift, and cunning. A cat who will be loyal and strong until the end. I shall have no weaklings under my wing, not if I can help it. Leopardpaw better be a faster learner because in battle a cat must be fast, able to make decisions in heartbeats, but hopefull they will not be rash ones either and if they are he will pay one way or another. I wonder how fast and how hard I can push him before he breaks? Well his training is going to start bright and early tomorrow that's for sure. I will make him grow, but I will definately not blacken his heart, no cat should end up like me. I work alone, I need no cat's help to achieve my dreams anyway.
Perfect, now that I have Leopardpaw I'm completely qualified now to be deputy! Now all I have to do is wait for my oppertunity to strike...
The Motivation Behind the Ambition:
A secret reason and the only true reason behind her ambitions is for control. Not necessarily for evil purposes, but to have control of her environment and her life. This all stems from the fact that she had no control over the deaths of her mother and two brothers: Blackkit and Toadpaw. Their deaths really messed her up in some many ways. Another reason she yearns so desperately for control is that she had no self control when she killed Talonpaw. If only she had control over herself and over these situation it never would have happened. If she ruled the forest and her Clan the cats she cared most for would never have joined StarClan she feels. However this truth is deeply buried within her subconscious mind for she believes that she is purely evil now with no goodness left in her. She is completely bad and that is why she wants to lead ShadowClan as well as the whole forest. Poor Russetfur just needs another cat like Talonpaw to open her eyes to her true self. Perhaps Talonpaw will try to bring her back to the light from StarClan, but can she truly be brought back by even Talonpaw; is the good just to deeply buried within her heart?
